Why coaching isn’t as easy as people think, and something to help

And so it has come to past that from time to time I find my self teaching groups ‘coaching skills’. Sometimes this is groups of managers, sometimes fledging professional coaches, and sometimes people with post-graduate coaching degrees or similarly impressive credentials. And yet, for all these groups, one of the hardest challenges seems to be developing the skill of asking questions rather than more tempting options like: offering solutions, giving advice, sympathising, sharing their own experience, or in some other way failing to inquire.

Inquisitive questioning - harder than it looks

Not everyone struggles, some do manage to frame questions. A lot of people have been exposed to the basic idea of the difference between open and closed questions. What people aren’t always so aware of is the difference between low information and high information questions. Without this distinction a supposedly ‘open’ question can smuggle in a clear suggestion of action for the client to engage with. This means the coach is doing the work of finding a way forward rather than the client. The coach, wittingly or otherwise, is engaging in problem-solving for the client.

Examples

‘Do you think it would be a good idea if you said something about this?’

This can be recognised as a closed question, inviting a yes or no response.

‘What do you think will happen if you say something about this?’

This is a more open question, although I can hear ‘I don’t know’ response forming in the air.

‘How about if you say something about this?’

On the surface it looks like an open question, it doesn’t invite an obvious yes or no; but look more closely and the embedded suggestion is still there.

‘I think you should say something about this, what do you think?’

Now we are clearly in the territory of advice giving.

 ‘If you say something about it, won’t that make it harder for them to do it again?’

This might still be a question, but now, as well as the embedded suggestion, we have the hypothesis that is underpinning the suggestion. In this way we are learning a lot about what the coach thinks, what sense they are making of the situation, but very little of what the client thinks. However you change the opening word or the grammar  of the sentence, as long as it still contains the phrase ‘say something about it’ you are at the very least making a suggestion and quite possibly giving advice.

Suggestions can be helpful, but be aware of what you’re doing

Shibboleths exist to be transgressed. There are plenty of occasions when making suggestions or giving advice might be a good, helpful, appropriate therapeutic move to make within the coaching relationship. I’m interested in the difficulty people can experience when they actually don’t want to make a suggestion or offer advice, so they attempt to ask questions, and yet fall into the traps above.

 This happens because it is very hard to ask a ‘content-free’ question: a question that doesn’t smuggle in the coach’s own problem solving but rather actively engages the client in finding their own way forward. And that is because we are problem-solving creatures.

The problem solving ape

We hear someone describe their problem, challenge or opportunity and ideas and emotions rush to our brain. Stimulated by what we hear, we ask ourselves how we would feel, what we would want to do, be tempted to do, feel obliged to do, who else we would tell and on our brain goes engaging with the information we are hearing. We want to attend to this information yet also bear in mind our coaching training. And many times we solve this dilemma by framing the obvious way forward that is pulsating in our mind, as a suggestion embedded in a question.

What can be done to help develop the skill of inquisitive questioning? Coaching Cubes

It seemed to me that at times, particularly perhaps when we are training coaching skills, that it might be an idea to help people with this challenge of creating content-free questions.

To this end I devised a set of coaching cubes: large squeezy coloured dice that have a content free question on each side. They are broadly based around a coaching structure that covers:

• Exploring the positive aspects of the situation

• Identifying key people

• Creating shifts in perspective

• Illuminating ideas, values and energy sources

• Creating movement and identifying first steps.

The cubes are designed to help people practice inquiry-based coaching. And they seem to work.

During the debrief at a recent workshop using the coaching cubes, a woman said, with obvious sincerity, ‘it is such a gift not to have to be thinking of the questions!’

 So, if you train coaching skills or if you want support in your practice to help you ask different sorts of questions, or if you just like the idea of having a tangible soft tool in your coaching session, please do investigate them further here, I’d love to hear what you make of them.

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management'.

See more Coaching  and Positive Psychology articles in the Knowledge Warehouse.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books

Seven Tips for Running Your Own Training Session

How do we make training stick? We know that investing in the human capital of our workforce by upping their skill level is vital to any organisation, but if you've ever sat through a boring training session - or when that brought back unpleasant memories of school - you know that there is high significant chance this time and money will be wasted. Here I list and explore seven tips to help your training sessions be impactful and enjoyable, for you and your trainees.

1. Step out of the expert role

Often we are asked to run a training session due to our expertise in an area. Strangely this can be a challenge as we encounter what is known as the ‘expert problem’. Essentially our own knowledge and skill are so integrated that we can’t easily separate out the elements to construct a good training path; and we have forgotten how new and challenging this all is to the novice. The danger is that we inadvertently overwhelm or confuse with our expert knowledge.

The trick is to step out of the expert role. Resist the pressure to download everything you know about the subject, and instead focus on co-creating a learning experience with your participants. The old adage ‘start where your people are at’ still holds true. Establish their baseline of knowledge and skill and go gently from there. It can help to think of yourself as ‘A Guide from the Side’ rather than a ‘Sage from the Stage’.

2. Limit the Teacher Talking Time

If you love your subject and know lots about it, you will have lots to say about it. One of the hardest challenges is deciding what not to share rather than what to share. People learn better when they are active in the process. Try to limit yourself to short bursts of input followed by some participant activity. Get them to work with what you are sharing, to roll it around in their brain, to manipulate it. In this way the learning is much more likely to stick with them. When I am designing a workshop, keen to share this amazing field, I constantly have to remind myself that, sometimes, ‘less is more’.

3. Ask Good Questions

Questions tickle the brain, questions trigger thought. Pepper your training with good questions and encourage people to engage with them in discussion before you build on that foundation with your own knowledge. Having discussed the question themselves people are keen to have their knowledge validated by you, the expert. We learn by linking new information to what we already know. By helping people bring what they already know to the fore you make that foundation accessible. People learn as much by hearing what they think about something as hearing what you think. When people hear themselves saying new things, making new links, seeing new possibilities the brain really fires up with learning.

4. Grow the Engagement

Not everyone loves learning, or being in a classroom type situation. Memories of school can cast long shadows. The transfer of information is a relational activity. It needs engagement from both parties. To grow the engagement you need to be positively responsive to any tentative sign of engagement, for example a first question, complaint about the room/challenge to your knowledge. Deal with the content in as generous a manner as possible and appreciate the engagement. As people see that you are supportive, encouraging and not in anyway punitive, they will get braver about expressing their views. In a word: Be generous with the peanuts.

5. Create a Visible Before and After Measure

These days I almost always create a before and after measure for a group session. Take the objectives for the session and turn them into some sort of scale question. Good starters are expressions like ‘To what extent...’ ‘How clear am I...’ ‘How confident am I...’ And ask people to give you their baseline measure on a scale of 1-10 at some point during your ‘beginnings’. It is best to ask people to write down their self-scores individually so they aren’t influenced by any group norms. Record them all publicly, emphasizing that low initial scores are a great sign of potential success for the session. If appropriate, discuss what this starting point tells you. Repeat the exercise that the end of the session.

It is highly likely that scores will have shifted to the right and spreads will have narrowed. In this way you can all see the impact of the session. Again encourage discussion of the shifts and what that means. I find that doing this affirms for both me, and my participants that learning has taken place. It also weakens any sense that ‘nothing happened and it was all a waste of time’ that anyone might be harbouring.

6. Draw out learning

At points during your session, and certainly at the end, encourage people to verbalise their key learning from the session. Questions that do this include ‘One thing I’ll take away from today’ ‘My biggest insight today’ ‘The biggest surprise of the day’... you get the idea. It is also often a good idea to ask a question that helps them focus on how they are going to use their learning immediately after the session. The biggest loss of the learning investment comes at this point of transfer, so encouraging people to think and articulate ‘next steps’ can be very powerful. I often ask ‘What is the thing you can do differently or do different from tomorrow to put today’s learning to work?’ Time permitting I might also ask about opportunities they can see to apply the learning over the next three months

7. Use our Tools to help you

And finally you can use tools and games to help make the sessions lively and interesting. We are developing a range of products to support internally led training. For instance we have a variety of strengths card sets, a happiness at work game, practical e-books, off-the-shelf workshop packs, and free videos. In addition you can pick-our-brains in a one-off coaching session to develop your workshop or you can commission a webinar input. In addition you can read Sarah’s books, packed with information and examples. Of course we are also happy to be commissioned to run a workshop with or for you!

Much more about the features of co-creative change, guidance on how to do it, and practical information about on the key methodologies mentioned here can be found in my new book Positive Psychology and Change

Other Resources

Much more about strengths and managerial techniques such as the ones mentioned here can be found in Sarah’s new book Positive Psychology and Change

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology for Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management', by Kogan Page, the second edition is out in September.

See more Events/Workshops, Learning & Development Tools, Leadership Skills, Team Development and How To articles in the Knowledge Warehouse.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organizations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

Eight High-Value Ways To Access Our Expertise

1. Use Our Learning and Development Activity Support Card Packs

Over the past year we have assembled a range of card packs to support development activities from coaching to strategy development. In particular we have our own Positive Organisational Development Cards that condense the wisdom of positive psychology into questions and action suggestions across twenty themes, from leadership to positive emotions. We also have a selection of Strengths Cards suitable for groups across the organisation. And we have a range of other cards to enable work with Values, Behaviour, Expertise and Emotional Intelligence. While many have free downloadable pdf guides, all are highly versatile, easily portable and great value!

Click Here

2. Play The Happiness at Work Game

We are very proud to be the sole European distributor for this excellent learning and development tool. Packed with practical ways to apply positive psychology to work place challenges, the game format encourages valuable in-depth discussion of the different ideas, approaches and options. The challenge cards outline common workplace situations, while the answer cards offer a wide range of behavioural tips to encourage greater happiness or wellbeing, reduce stress levels, improve performance and strengthen their relationships. A wonderful feature of the game is that some of the answer cards suggest that you ‘do it now’, allowing participants to experience the power of the suggested activity in the moment. This in turn facilitates deeper connection and learning in the group. Save yourself the cost of a facilitator and self-facilitate yourself a great team development session.

Click Here

3. Prepare With Our Practical E-books

We are developing a range of practical e-books to support first line managers with some of the early challenges of management. In PDF format they are instantly downloadable, offering instant help! Each book contains easy to follow guidance and words of advice. In addition practical pull-out planning tools are included to support preparation, and to ensure that purpose and success criteria are clarified before the event. These can be photocopied and used again and again. So far we have one on Courageous Conversations and another on Great Meetings with more under development. Less than the price of a meal out, they allow you to save on training costs and encourage self-directed learning. Let us know about any other topics you think would be valuable.

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4. Pick our Brains

We recognize that sometime you just want to ask the expert a few questions about something you are planning to do or something that is bothering you. You don’t necessarily want to engage a permanent coach, you just want to spend up to an hour of your time getting high quality advice quickly. Our ‘pick our brains’ service is designed precisely to meet this need. Save yourself time and money by speaking to us directly.

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5. Buy An ‘Off the Shelf’ Learning And Development Session

If you have the facilitation and training skills but just aren’t familiar with a particular topic area than this off the shelf session is for you. At present we offer The Complete Positive Strategic and Leadership Development Kit, The Complete Positive Team Development Kit, The Complete Positive and Appreciative Coaching Kit and The Complete Leadership Team Culture Kit, with more under development. We supply facilitator notes and any of our tools that you need for the session plus a useful carrier, pen and notebook.  Once you have the kit you can use it again and again, saving the cost of an external facilitator every time.

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6. Read Our Books

Sarah has written two books that distil her knowledge and experience of working with organizations. Positive Psychology at Work gives practical advice about leadership, performance, workplace culture, and team development for example. While Positive Psychology and Change is focused on large scale organisational change, offering practical advice on applying positive psychology to the challenge and introducing dialogue methodologies such as Open Space, Simu-Real and Appreciative Inquiry. In addition Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management is targeted at both those new to Appreciative Inquiry and more experienced practitioners, to extend their practice. Gain access to Sarah’s extensive experience at a fraction of the price of having her come in!

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7. Watch Our Videos

These are a completely free resource. Only a few minutes long they take short topics and explain them in plain English. For example we have videos addressing How to Work with Skeptics, Planning in Uncertain Times, and Why You Should Ask Appreciative Questions.

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8. Commission a Webinar

This can run in real time or be sent pre-recorded. It can be the whole session or part of a session. It can be a presentation or it can include questions and answers. Or we can organise a google-plus hangout. And we are willing to engage with any other favourite technology of yours to facilitate our ‘presence at a distance’ in your training session. Have Sarah or any of our other experts be part of your session at a fraction of the price of flying her in!

Click Here

And of course, if you would like us to come to you to help with your change process, or to run an in-house training or development session, we would be delighted to help!

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology for Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management, by Kogan Page, the second edition is out in September.

Other Resources

Much more about strengths and managerial techniques such as the ones mentioned here can be found in Sarah’s new book Positive Psychology and Change

See more How To, Team Development, Appreciative Inquiry, Card Guides and Leadership articles in the Knowledge Warehouse.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organizations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of the best L&D Tools are available from the website shop.