Can we take positivity too far?

Many years ago, there was a period of dislocation in my work life and I was suddenly scrabbling to relaunch my independent career with no work on the horizon. At the time we had very little savings and I was the main earner for our household of four. I was feeling worried and anxious.

A friend, who lived abroad, was briefly in the country and we had a chance to catch up. She asked how I was, and I started to explain my financial worries and work concerns. Abruptly she cut across me to say, ‘But when you’re working you earn good money, right?’

I can only assume this was meant make me feel better, but it had the opposite effect. I felt like I’d been slapped across the face and got the clear message that she wasn’t interested in hearing about my feelings and problems. It being clear that I wasn’t going to get the sympathetic hearing I was seeking, I moved the conversation on. But I never forgot the experience, it hurt.

When this happened, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what had gone wrong, given that her comment was, relatively speaking, correct. I didn’t know how to name what had happened, but I can now identify it as an experience of ‘toxic positivity.’

Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity insists on ‘looking on the bright side’ but in a way that is disconnected from the current context, that dismisses the validity of someone’s current feelings in favour of a demand that they have ‘happy emotions.’

As well as doing it to others we can do it to ourselves, feeling we have to be positive about everything all the time. This can spill into a belief that we have to deny feelings that are difficult to deal with such as anger and hurt, that we should be happy all the time and at if we aren’t, something is wrong.

In his recent book Sukhvinder Pabial examines how our awareness of the many benefits of positivity, and desire to help people experience positivity, can, through a misinterpretation of the idea of positivity and abuse of the idea, spill over into toxic positivity and more.

The Positive Continuum model

This model (reprinted with the author, Sukhvinder Pabial’s permission) starts by identifying how when we are working effectively with positivity, events can be helpfully reframed in a more positive way, creating motivation and inspiration and enabling people to move on.

A lot of coaching works to reframe like this. The hurt or difficult situation is acknowledged, and empathy demonstrated, before a sensitive attempt is made to help the person start to look at the situation differently. Importantly, this helping isn’t based on ‘telling’ people there is a silver lining, but by helping them to find, see or create such for themselves. Appreciative Inquiry works at a similar way for coaching and larger systems.

Toxic positivity by contrast is defined as ‘uncalled for solutions and lack of empathy,’ which characterises the response of my friend to my situation. While it might arise because someone is short on empathy, I wonder whether this behaviour is sometimes exhibited by people, perhaps aspiring practitioners, who have grasped a general message about how ‘feeling good is good for you’, but lack the skills to apply it in a given situation.

Relentless Positivity

Sukhvinder extends the model to identify yet another positivity position, that of ‘relentless positivity’ which is ‘persistent and unregulated positivity’.

There was a fad a while back for organizations to issue statements such as ‘there is no such word as “can’t” in this organization!’ This would be an example of a culture of relentless positivity. Bad news is just unacceptable and not heard. As Sukhvinder explains, it is pushed back against with ‘we have to make this happen’, and ‘we must find solutions’ type statements.

There is a fantastic example of this: the film documentary of the fiasco of a the Fyre festival: FYRE: the greatest party that never happened. For those who haven’t yet seen it, the organiser resists all the attempts of experienced festival organisers to highlight various problems and issues that need to be addressed, insisting everything will work. He resists all attempts to call off the festival in good time to limit the PR damage and in the event nothing works and it’s a disaster, so he ends up cancelling it so late some guests have already arrived. That is relentless positivity in action.

I have occasionally come across an organisational culture that demonstrates relentless positivity in another way where its just not permissible to have, or to acknowledge in others, difficult feelings. You could call it happy, clappy. This type of culture makes it very hard to have reconciling and healing conversations as the feelings that need to be named and addressed to affect restoration of a relationship can’t be acknowledged in the first place!

The time continuum

These positions are represented across a timeframe. So ‘reframing’ is a specific activity in a specific context. Toxic positivity can be a repeated, habitual way of responding when others experience problems and difficulties, while relentless positivity is a sustained culture or way of behaving that denies the possibility of the non-positive outcome.

As our awareness of the benefits of positivity grows, along with our eagerness to help everyone benefit from experiencing positivity, I find this model very useful in alerting us to the dangers of unthinking and unregulated attempts to ‘be positive’ or to inject positivity into a situation.

My thanks to Sukhvinder for his insights into this interesting area. The model and diagram come from his excellent and highly recommended book The Resilience Handbook, available from our online store.

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Co-Creating Planning Teams For Dialogic OD’, published by BMI Publishing, ‘Positive Psychology in Business’, published by Pavillion, ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management', published by Kogan Page.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books.

More blog posts categorised as ‘Thought Provoking’ 

Small Changes that make a Difference

I noticed a different flavour to the usual January blitz of ‘New Year, New You’ filler in the papers this year. Calls to action were hedged with novel warnings about not being over ambitious, about starting small, suggesting only working on a few goals at a time not a complete list of life transformation. Hurrah, I thought! At last, some psychology about change and habit formation is getting through.

On the first day of the new year, the Guardian ran an article, ‘100 small changes that really work’. The 100 entries that make up the article were sent in by experts and readers. Tried and tested then. I found it interesting reading and was delighted to find that some of them I had discovered myself.

Here are my top ten.

1.     Not setting a morning alarm. This is a bit of a cheat as it’s something I have done myself since I have regarded myself as ‘semi-retired’ and let myself off my weekday 7.00 a.m. alarm. At first, I found the extent of the resultant sleeping-in so alarming that I did set a ‘that’s enough’ 8.00 a.m. alarm, but I did treat myself to a new alarm clock with a SAD light that gradually lights up for the half-hour before the gently increasing sound of an Amazonian dawn chorus kicks in at the allotted time. Now I seem to have exhausted my sleep deficit and regularly wake before the alarm. I absolutely agree with the quoted Guardian reader who said that it means ‘I don’t start the day with the hideous stress of the alarm going off’. Highly recommended if your lifestyle allows.

2.     Leaving the phone downstairs at night. Already do it.

3.     Making homemade soup. Another one great winter idea I discovered myself. I use a soup maker and make two batches at the weekends but only when it feels doable, so it doesn’t become a chore. I bag it up in Lakeland soup ‘n’ sauce bags (perfect two portion size) and freeze. I can have a hot, quick, nutritious and tasty lunch any day of the week as long I remember to take out it the night before. You can reheat from frozen but it’s a faff.

4.     Walking outdoors every day. I try! I try! It very cold right now though! And the daylight is so short. I know it’s good for me, but it is a habit that lapses. Also, it’s not a small change in my book because it takes time.

5.     Buying a rowing machine. This isn’t on the list but is one of mine. A fold away one cost about £200. Use it once or twice a week. 4 kms. Headphones on to loud rock music. Walk to it from the bedroom. Takes 25ish minutes. Terrific. Works up a good sweat. Gets blood flowing, heart beating. Can breathlessly sing along. Can think about day ahead. Much nicer than standing bike for some reason. Shower. Then coffee. Ready start working day. And no going out in the cold. Love it! Easy cardio-vascular activity!

6.     The squeezy app. If you are a woman of a certain age with a dodgy pelvic floor this app is great. It reminds you to do your squeezes, and it counts and times them for you. With practice, you can do them while reading the paper, eating or probably answering emails. Have been using for months. It really has become a habit. Highly recommended.

7.     Lighting candles. I have a horde of candles. Never seemed to find the occasion to light them. Now, when doing my ‘creative writing’, I light a candle. I love the scent and the flicker of the flame. I think it acts both as a signal that I am now entering a different mental space, and is calming in some way – maybe the scent?

8.     Getting hearing aids. Been there, done that. They are better than the alternative. And if you pay the money, you can get much more attractive ones. My current dinky red and white ones bring me joy when I see them in the morning. Sadly, I can’t say the same for the depressing grey NHS ones I am currently temporarily having to wear!

9.     Exercise snacks. Great idea – doing squats while you wait for the kettle to boil type thing. Super idea. If only the dishwasher didn’t offer itself for stacking, unstacking, or refilling with rinse aid, or salt during this snatch of time. Might work up to this one.

10.  Focussing on joy rather than willpower. I realise I have been moving this way for years. And I used to be someone very good on willpower. Like the reader quoted in the article says, I do exercise I enjoy. I eat food I enjoy. I do work I enjoy.

And a few that I don’t see working for me

Following the one-minute rule. This is the idea that if something will take less than a minute, answering an email, hanging up the laundry, then you should do it straight-away. It is supposed to improve productivity. Hmm... I could see a whole morning disappearing in one-minute tasks. And some of these things take brain power. I prefer to relegate them to ‘low quality’ time, and cluster them together.

Two-minute cold shower every morning. I’m definitely not hardcore enough for this.

Committing to intermittent fasting. I’ve read the research. I believe it’s good for you. And I’m not willing to put myself into deprivation mode. Too many diets over the years. Never again.

There are plenty more to inspire you in the original article, The Guardian, Monday 1st January 2024. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/jan/01/100-tiny-changes-to-transform-your-life-from-the-one-minute-rule-to-pyjama-yoga

Why not let us know if you find something that speaks to you?

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Co-Creating Planning Teams For Dialogic OD’, published by BMI Publishing, ‘Positive Psychology in Business’, published by Pavillion, ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management', published by Kogan Page.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books.

More blog posts categorised as ‘Thought Provoking’ 

Could it be the active recruitment of incompetent men that stops women getting to the top?

The central cause, argues Tomas Chasmorro-Premuzic, of the low numbers of women recruited into leadership, ranging from 36% in bottom tier management to only 6% at CEO level, isn’t that they aren’t competitive, assertive, bold, talented or in some other ill-defined way, enough like men; but rather that a persistent systematic mistake is made during the recruitment process. A mistake that leads to many of the opportunities, up to 74% according to one survey quoted, being filled with incompetent men.

Hence the question isn’t: how can we get more women into management, but rather, how do we stop so many incompetent men filling the available positions?

No one sets out to hire incompetent leaders, so how can this happen? The answer lies in the difference between what is attractive at the selection process and what is effective in a leader.

Why do men get selected more often?

When looking for leadership potential, many instinctively look for behaviour that suggests a forceful and dominant character. This attentional focus on forcefulness and dominance reinforces the preferential selection of men for leadership in two ways. Firstly, this behaviour, along with the traits that support it, are found more often in men than in women. And secondly, when they are displayed by women they can be frowned upon. Such women can be dismissed as being too forceful or domineering to be considered as good leadership material. Yet, in a classic Catch-22 situation, if they don’t display this type of behaviour they are also not perceived as being suitably leader-like. Hence it is frequently forceful and dominant presenting men who get selected into leadership positions.

Research shows, however, that those who are most likely to appear forceful and dominant, are also those who are more likely to self-centred, entitled and narcissistic. All of which are related to the personality traits of narcissism and psychopathy, and none of which are good predictors of effective leadership behaviour.

In this way, it becomes apparent that there is a fundamental, and negatively impactful, difference between the personality traits and behaviours it takes to be chosen as a leader, and those it takes to be effective as a leader. The essential problem is that the traits that are taken as signs of leadership talent in men, are the very same that will eventually predict their downfall as leaders. In other words when considering male candidates, clear character flaws are mistaken for attractive leadership qualities. How does this happen?

The mistaken appointment of narcissists and psychopaths

Chamorro-Premuzic explains how this mistake is made. One important aspect is that confidence is taken as a proxy for competence. However, there is no relationship between confidence and competence. Most of us skew a little to over-confidence, it’s normal and healthy. But excessive overconfidence becomes dangerous and, statistically speaking, men are significantly more likely than women to display excessive overconfidence in their abilities. And while confidence is commonly regarded as the most important quality for a leader, research suggests that in fact it is less important than expertise, intelligence, hard-work, connections and even luck!

This over-confidence that we can find so attractive has its roots in two particular personality traits, narcissism and psychopathology. Narcissism and psychopathology are both more common in leaders than in the general population. For example, psychopathy is present in 4-20% of people in senior management roles, compared to 1% in the general population. Narcissism also runs at about 1% in the general population yet is estimated to be 5% amongst CEOs. By accident, this is what we end up recruiting for. Why, how does it happen?

Narcissists are master are masters of impression management, great at conveying confidence (and remember we use confidence as a proxy for competence). At the same time the advertised rewards of leadership, lucrative compensation, fancy titles and the other signs of success, could have been purpose designed to attract them in their droves. Meanwhile courage and risk-taking often coexist with psychopathology, enabling psychopaths to demonstrate striking audacity and resilience under stress, for example. They also often display a high verbal ability, meaning they can be eloquent and persuasive and tend to come across as charming and charismatic. What’s not to like, then, at the interview stage?

What happens when they become leaders

However, both narcissists and psychopaths, while brilliant at getting the role, often perform poorly thereafter. For examples psychopaths, once in the role, tend to operate passively, failing to fulfil basic management tasks such as evaluating performance, giving accurate feedback or rewarding employees. They don’t hold teams accountable for their performance and are likely to prove unable to motivate others. They are loathe to accept blame and responsibility for the consequences of their actions. As overconfident leaders they can be immune to negative feedback.

Narcissists, meanwhile, are significantly prone to counterproductive behaviour such as bullying, fraud, white-collar crime and harassment, including sexual harassment. And while they are good at dreaming big, they are less good at delivering on that dream. What to do instead then?

Going forward

Firstly, it’s worth pointing out that, given this picture, the last thing we should be doing, if we want to improve the quality of our leaders, is to help women contenders become ‘more like the men’!

 Secondly, Emotional Quotient (EQ), or emotional intelligence is acknowledged as the best single measure of people skills, which are key to getting the best out of other people, the distilled task of leadership. And people with a higher EQ are generally more effective in leadership roles. This is the proxy we should be using to predict leadership success, not levels of confidence.

Thirdly, the three important leadership competencies that are enabled by higher EQ are found at higher rates in women. These are transformational leadership, personal effectiveness and self-awareness.

So, in essence, we need to

• Stop using confidence as a proxy for competence

• Stop being dazzled by attractive qualities at the point of selection, and select instead for the personality traits and other factors that predict success once in the role

• Avoid prompting narcissists and psychopaths to positions of leadership

• Stop looking at leadership potential through a gendered lens

• Start to appreciate some of the qualities that are more typically, but obviously not exclusively, found in woman that correlate with successful leadership, and look for them in our selection processes.

Those interested to explore this topic further are referred to Chamorro-Premuzic, T. (2019) Harvard Review Business Press. All statistics quoted and other assertions made are referenced in this text.

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Co-Creating Planning Teams For Dialogic OD’, published by BMI Publishing, ‘Positive Psychology in Business’, published by Pavillion, ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management', published by Kogan Page.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books.

More blog posts categorised as ‘Thought Provoking’ 

THREE CHANGE STRATEGIES IN ORGANIZATION DEVELOPMENT: DATA-BASED, HIGH ENGAGEMENT, AND GENERATIVE BY GERVASE R. BUSHE & SARAH LEWIS

Please find below an article co-authored by Gervase Bushe and myself recently accepted for publication in the Leadership and Organization Development Journal, Jan 2023 - Sarah Lewis

Bushe, G.R. and Lewis, S. (2023), "Three change strategies in organization development: data-based, high engagement and generative", Leadership & Organization Development Journal, Vol. ahead-of-print No. ahead-of-print. https://doi.org/10.1108/LODJ-05-2022-0229

Copyright © 2023, Emerald Publishing Limited. This AAM is provided for your own personal use only. It may not be used for resale, reprinting, systematic distribution, emailing, or for any other commercial purpose without the permission of the publisher.

How Appreciative Inquiry Supports Diversity, Equality and Inclusion

The words are easy: we want to create a diverse and inclusive culture, that promotes equality of access and opportunity. The business case for creating a work environment that is inclusive of difference, that honours and makes good use of diversity, and that manages itself in such a way that all employees feel they are fairly treated, has long been made. The challenge is how to achieve such an environment. I want to briefly consider how using Appreciative Inquiry can support the development of such a culture.

Appreciative Inquiry can be seen to support the development of inclusive, diverse and equitable cultures in two ways. Firstly, there is the method itself.

The Whole System in the Room

The core appreciative inquiry summit process is predicated on inclusion, on getting the whole system in the room. This means that lots of people who might not usually get invited to ‘change planning’ events are included, right from the beginning. From very early in the process they have the opportunity to contribute ideas, participate in discussions and to influence outcomes; in effect, to have a voice.

Conscious Make Up of Groups

This propensity towards inclusion can be further activated by conscious actions and decisions. For example, care can be taken when assembling the event planning group to bring together a group that reflects the diversity of the organization. Similarly, when selecting individuals for preliminary interviews can be taken to ensure the views of a wide range of people are heard.

Including Those On The Periphery

In addition, inclusion is enhanced by drawing the organization’s attention to groups that are on the periphery of the organization, and who might normally be discounted as part of the organization. This can include groups like teachers’ assistants, temporary, contract or agency workers, part-time staff or those who work offsite or remotely. Making efforts to expand the manager’s sense of the boundaries of the organization to include such groups helps with inclusion, diversity and equality. These actions often positively diversify the race and gender mix in the room.  However, while presence is a predeterminant of the possibility of inclusion, it is another thing to ensure that all those involved have a voice at the event or during the process.

Creating Psychological Safety With A Positive Atmosphere Of Engagement

From research in this area, we know good quality conversation is more likely to happen in a positive atmosphere. A positive atmosphere is one where people are focussing on finding commonality, where they appreciate each other’s strengths and are focused on learning together and sharing successes. This can be seen as creating a sense of psychological safety  which is a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns or mistakes, and that there is a shared belief held by members of a group working together that it is safe for individuals take interpersonal risks.

By contrast, people are less likely to feel safe to speak out in an atmosphere focused on competitive idea pitching, destruction of the ideas of others, and the establishment of the superiority of the intellectual apparatus of one person over another. This latter atmosphere tends to create a high degree of compliance to the dominant idea expressed by the most powerful person in the room. In such an atmosphere dissent is dangerous and can unleash a highly critical dismantling of opposing positions, a huge disincentive to further engagement for many. Those of equal power to the speaker may relish this, but others are likely to be silenced, even just by witnessing another being attacked in this manner. In this way difference and variety in the group is diminished.

The Appreciative Inquiry process, however, is interested in difference, which is seen as bringing value and resource to the group. Within appreciative inquiry processes there is no pressure to all ‘sing from the same hymn sheet,’ indeed, exploration of difference is seen as key to the process of discovering attractive ways forward. This means that the tacit knowledge of the world brought by people with different backgrounds, experiences and cultural understanding from the dominant group can be brought to bear on the challenge. Rather, than is so often the case, being a level of difference that needs to be minimised to enable ‘fitting in’ at work, an experience dramatically brought to life in the recent novel ‘Assembly’ by Natasha Brown.

Culture Change Rather Than Individual Change

Saiyyidah Zaid, a consultant in the area of diversity, inclusion and equality points out that a purely person-centred approach to improving diversity, equality and inclusion practice and culture has been tried and tested in academia, organizations and community arenas and has had limited effectiveness. In other words, trying to change the behaviour of particular individual’s rarely works to promote a fully inclusive environment. Appreciative inquiry works to create change at a group or cultural level.

The second way we can use Appreciative Inquiry to enhance diversity, inclusion and equality is through a project focused on enhancing this culture. In other words, the affirmative topic might be something like: A Voice for All; Respect in Action; I, We, Us. Or some other phrase that resonates with the diverse, equal and inclusive culture the organization wants to create. The discovery phase would focus on the best experiences people have had of feeling seen, valued and heard. The dream would imagine a future where the desired culture already exists and explore how it operates, how it feels, what it creates, releases, allows and so on. The design phase would consider what the organization needs to change about its current way of being or operating to make those futures more likely. And the destiny phase would incorporate a new orientation towards a more inclusive, diverse and equitable future, and actions to move towards it.

In this way, I believe Appreciative Inquiry has a lot to offer those wishing to create a more diverse, inclusive and equitable workplace.

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Co-Creating Planning Teams For Dialogic OD’, published by BMI Publishing, ‘Positive Psychology in Business’, published by Pavillion, ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management', published by Kogan Page.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books.

More blog posts categorised as ‘Positive Organisational Culture’ 

Working with the Organisation’s Shadowside: Helping organisations discuss the undiscussable?

At the recent EU AI network meeting some colleagues and I fell into a conversation about working with the organisational shadowside. I thought it was interesting enough to share.

What is the organisational shadowside?

While discussion our work, we identified a common experience, when working with faith organisations, of encountering such a strong surface ‘story’ about what it meant to be a good person of this faith that it was impossible for the organisation to talk about actions and feelings in the organisation that didn’t fit that story. In one example it was the hurt, anger, betrayal, resentment and other difficult feelings following a round of redundancies that had taken place the previous year that was unmentionable. In another it was the difficulty of working and living within the constraints of monastic vows that was pushed under the carpet. The challenge we encountered wasn’t the stories themselves, it was the sense that we were being drawn into a secret or ‘shadow’ conversation that couldn’t be fitted into the accepted organisational story.

Another colleague expanded the conversation by added her experience working with ‘vocational’ organisations like charities, noting how she had found that an excess of ‘passion’ about the work or the clients was used to excuse bullying behaviour. Of course, we noted, all organisations have topics and parts of their history that are difficult to address, but these types of organisations seemed to have an extra factor of difficulty in acknowledging and owning organisational imperfections.

What is particular about these organizations?

Reflecting on this led us to the observation that these organisations could all be described as striving towards a greater good. In a way the organizations didn’t just want to do good, they needed to be good. This purity of spirit allowed little room for imperfections of spirit. But the organizations were full of people, and people have plenty of imperfections. It was this, we postulated, that made it hard for the organisation and the people in it to bring their stories together. The lived experience of troubling feelings and actions was pushed into the shadow.

So as Appreciative Practitioners, our challenge was, how to bring these two conversations into the same space in a fruitful and appreciative way? We needed to be able to have a conversation that acknowledged and owned people’s experience of the difficulties that come with being human that also honoured the organisation’s story of itself as essentially ‘good’. Somehow, within the container of a specific safe space, we needed it become permissible to name and share the challenging parts of life in this group while upholding the values and beliefs of the organisation about its purpose and its ‘spirit’ of being. The organisation, and the people, needed to be able to own the whole.

We felt that this idea of permission, permission to tell the untellable stories and of being heard, was key to joining the two conversations together. We discussed and shared different approaches and techniques we had used, recognising that what worked in one context wouldn’t necessarily have the same impact in another; that we needed, in all situations, to enact situational sensitivity.

Some of the approaches we identified that we had found helpful in the past were

• Validating but not amplifying. One of us had found that creating an opportunity for people to share difficult stories in individual interviews meant that they could tell their story of the ‘bad things’ going on before the group event. This meant that the story/ experience could be heard and acknowledged, without being amplified within a group setting. It was also noted that the sense of having ‘deposited ‘the story with the facilitator beforehand seemed to act to reduce the anxiety and so likelihood of someone being driven to just blurt something out. Instead, the facilitator could create opportunities for people to choose to share difficult material within a generally appreciative and positive oriented event, at an appropriate time.

• Problem and Solution Tree. One of us had also worked with a ‘problem tree’ and ‘solution tree’ process, drawing on the work of David Shaked, which worked to bring both problem and aspiration visibly into the same space in relation to each other.

• Working with hopes and fears. The allowed the fears (of getting together to have a tricky conversation for example) to be named. It was found that allowing them to be named worked, in the specific context described, to lessen their strength and their impact. Naming and recording these hopes and fears also allowed for regularly monitoring of changes in group concerns and helped appreciation that hopes were being realised and fears ameliorated.

In addition,

• We noted in these situations it can be helpful to work in small groups a lot, and of course, to always be focused on creating questions that move the discussion and conversation towards connection, creation and compassion.

• We also reminded ourselves of the value, frequently, in checking assumptions underlying conversational contributions and people’s mental maps

• And we noted the importance of exercising contextual intelligence. That is, recognising that the story is bigger than the people in the room and systems, for example, often mirror the tensions in the bigger system.

Since our conversation I have been reminded of how story is the key resource with which we are so often working. The question often is how we can help the group move from its current story or stories towards something that is inclusive of a wider experience. One that recognises forces at play beyond those in front of us, or that recognises good intentions can be behind bad actions.

I find this an interesting topic, and I hope this has been interesting for you too.

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Co-Creating Planning Teams For Dialogic OD’, ‘Positive Psychology in Business’ ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management'.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books.

More blog posts categorised as ‘Positive Organisational Culture’ 

Highlights from ABP conference

At the ABP conference on the 10th and 11th of November, I was struck by the professionalism of the presenters and the high standard of their content. I wanted to share a few of the ‘nuggets’ I picked up with you.

The ‘know it all’ and ‘learn it all’ culture difference

Matthew Syed introduced these two terms, the first reflecting a fixed mindset. The ‘know it all’ mindset can have some adverse effects:

• Everyone wants to look like the smartest person in the room, it’s all about showing off what you know, not being interested in what others might know.

• The competitive attitude undermines psychological safety.

• The need to be right can lead to ‘blame the customers’ mindset.

• And, as very often ‘people like us’ sound more intelligent, this attitude can lead to a monoculture in the organization.

Not great then!

The ‘learn it all ‘culture, more like a growth mindset, is much more interested in a diversity of knowledge and resources in the room, including the tactic knowledge that is part and parcel of different life experiences. It is this that enhances the ‘granular capacity’ of a group or organization to understand the diverse world of their customers and other stakeholders. In essence, we need a growth mindset and diversity to solve complex interdisciplinary problems. I thought these two terms very useful to summarise the difference.

Some fascinating takeaways

The 2-for-the-price-of-1 employee

Andrew Whyatt- Sames, introduced this concept of an employee which I hadn’t come across before. With a 2-4-1 employee, the employer gets the unpaid services of the partner at home doing all the domestic work enabling the employee to work ‘as if’ he or she had no other responsibilities. An arrangement which, not only takes us back to the 1950s, but, of course, also disadvantages all those employees who have to carry their own load at home.

‘Be nice to them or they’ll leave’

Summed up the message to bosses trying to revert to the good old pre-covid days of 7/5 office attendance. That ship has sailed.

Poor mental health on average costs employers £1652 per employee per annum

So asserted Maria Gardener while also sharing that Deloittes found a 5:1 return on investment in well being in their 2020 research. However, it depends how you spend the money. One size does not fit all, and an over reliance on sticky plasters and panic stations has little long-term benefit. Wellbeing needs to extend to financial wellbeing. You can offer your employees resilience workshops and mindfulness apps until they are coming out of their ears, but if you don’t pay them enough to make ends meet, then all a bit beside the point.

Ghost Meetings

These are non-existent meetings that desperate people book just for just to give themselves space to recharge in overpacked office days.

How to hack happiness

Amanda Potter from Betalent’s took us on a deep dive into the neurophysiology of both happiness and stress, with great suggestions for how to ‘hack’ happiness. I was delighted to see I was already using so many

• Snacking on nuts and seeds supports acetylcholine production, a rebalancing chemical

• Celebrating little wins produces dopamine. Yeah, I did it, I changed the filters on the hoover!

• Chocolate. Okay, so my go to is a Lint Easter Bunny rather than worthy dark chocolate but I’m sure its just as good for the serotonin

• And I’ve recently discovered Epsom salts in a hot bath – it was on the list,  honest!

The decisive amongst us are 12 times more likely to be high performing than those plagued by procastrination.

Psychological safety

Amanda and her team undertook some research identifying the characteristics of psychologically safe teams or spaces, which include such things such as

• Feeling personally connected,

• Feeling included,

• Appreciating and being appreciated.

While in psychologically unsafe teams or spaces people want to please, feel they have to be nice all the time, defer to leadership, are consensus driven, and seek consistency. All of which leads us back round to our opening idea of the ‘know it all culture’ with its premium on people who think like us and a lack of dissent.

 My thanks to everyone. It was a great event, really one of the better conferences out there.

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Co-Creating Planning Teams For Dialogic OD’, ‘Positive Psychology in Business’ ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management'.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books.

More blog posts categorised as ‘Thought Provoking’ 

How can we bring the benefits of Appreciative Inquiry to stuck change projects?

There are various signs that a change project has got stuck. One is that the senior managers are working all hours while everyone else is sort of waiting, not knowing what to do. Another is frustrated change agents pointing to the plans and diagrams all over their office walls while talking about their problems of ‘resistance to change’ and ‘lack of buy-in’. Yet another is a workforce that is demoralised, demotivated and rapidly losing hope of any improvement any time soon.

It’s not resistance to change, it’s resistance to imposed change

The fundamental issue behind stuck change is often that the wrong approach has been applied to the change challenge, typically that the organization has applied logical rational problem-solving to a challenge of a different nature. In brief, if the change challenge is a logical, rational problem then taking a logical, rational ‘planned’ or ‘diagnostic’ approach might work.

However, often the challenge is of a different order, for example, how to change ways of working, how to create a different culture, how to get people to be more adaptable, flexible, creative in their work. These can be seen as being ‘wicked’ or ‘adaptive’ problems, and they are generally not amenable to logical resolution. Instead, they need a different approach, something more emergent, more dialogic, more like Appreciative Inquiry.

ideally we wouldn’t start from here, but since we’re here…

With the planned change already underway, the challenge becomes how to introduce different ways of approaching change, like Appreciative Inquiry. The answer lies in Appreciative Inquiry processes rather than the well-known 5D Appreciative Inquiry summit. We are coming aboard a ship already underway and we have to negotiate such areas of influence as we can.

For example, I was once asked to help a company that was implementing a new IT system and hadn’t fully appreciated the culture change nature of their plans: the whole work process was being redesigned, some people’s department were closing and other people were having to re-apply for what they thought of as ‘their’ jobs. I was asked in once it became apparent that the project was getting very stuck.

I was able to negotiate a three-hour session with a voluntary group of front-line staff entitled ‘Making sense of the changes’. In which I hoped to address three questions: What will be different? How will it impact my work? How can I positively affect my experience and that of my colleagues around me?

The first question released an avalanche of stories of bad management: they don’t tell us what is going on, they are all too busy to talk to us, they aren’t doing this change very well. The Appreciative Inquiry approach is here to acknowledge this, but not amplify it, not inquire into it. Instead I asked, has this always been the case or is the experience you are describing more recent?

It took a few more minutes but then someone said, ‘It wasn’t like this when it started’ ‘How was it, I asked?’ ‘It was very consultative,’ came the reply, along with a recognition that their managers, the same people, used to be fine. ’So, what’s changed recently?’

This was a pivot point in the conversation which then moved to a focus on the change in circumstances rather than a managerial personality transplant. This important change in the story allowed for different ways forward, started to create hope and opened the way, later, to more fruitful questions such as ‘What fires can I light, what seeds can I plant to help this organization continue to be a great place to work`’ and ‘How can I contribute to help make the experience of change as good as possible for me and others? In this way the group become more appreciative of the fact that they had choices about how they behaved. In response to a final ‘what’s changed in the last three hours?’ question, people reported feeling more positive, more accepting and, paradoxically, also more assertive, more pro-active, more choiceful and braver. They had clear ideas about what they would do, in their own spheres of interest, to start moving the change process in a better direction.

Top tips

Here are my top tips for bringing Appreciative Inquiry to get stuck situations moving again

•       Focus on what you can influence and help others do the same

•       Attend to the stories being created about change and people

•       Create and recreate states of positive affect

•       Create, amplify and enlarge a state of hope and choice

•       Co-create ideas for the future and ways forward with others

•       Start where people are at and move to more productive place

•       Use your attention as a resource, re-direct the attention of others

Other Resources

Sarah Lewis is the owner and principal psychologist of Appreciating Change. She is author of ‘Co-Creating Planning Teams For Dialogic OD’, ‘Positive Psychology in Business’ ‘Positive Psychology at Work’ and ‘Positive Psychology and Change’ both published by Wiley. She is also the lead author of 'Appreciative Inquiry for Change Management'.

APPRECIATING CHANGE CAN HELP

Appreciating Change is skilled and experienced at supporting leaders in working in this challenging, exciting and productive way with their organisations. Find out more by looking at how we help with Leadership, Culture change and with employee Engagement.

For further information on these alternative approaches to change, please contact us or phone 07973 782 715. A selection of strength card packs are available from our online store.

If you want to know more about implementing approaches and processes that positively affect people’s happiness, engagement, motivation, morale, productivity and work relationships, see Sarah’s positive psychology books.

More blog posts categorised as ‘Appreciative Inquiry’